Domestic violence victims employ a variety of survival strategies
Women who have been battered are survivors. Asking them why they don’t leave an abusive relationship ignores the complex set of factors they must weigh to decide how best to protect themselves and their children. Implying that it is the responsibility of the victim to end the violence blames her for the abuse and does not hold the batterer accountable for his crimes.
FOR SOME VICTIMS, STAYING MAY BE SAFER
Not all women want to leave the relationship. They want the violence to stop. There are times when it may be safer for a woman and her children to stay. Quite simply, a woman who has been battered might be told she will be killed, or her children will be killed, if she leaves or refuses to return. Past violence has taught her that his threats often translate into action. Leaving also might harm her children if he gets custody or visitation. If she is still in the relationship, she can monitor his interactions with the children. Indeed, the decision to leave an abusive relationship is not as straightforward as it might seem. The table on page 8 outlines some of the crucial factors a victim must consider, especially if she has children.
WOMEN WHO HAVE BEEN BATTERED LEAVE ALL THE TIME
It is important to remember that women do escape the violence in their lives. Friends, family and a network of service providers within a supportive community can be instrumental for a survivor who chooses to make the overwhelmingly difficult decision to uproot her life.
What at first might appear to an outsider to be self-defeating behavior on the part of the victim, such as being afraid to seek the services of a program for victims of domestic violence or wanting to return to the abuser in spite of severe violence, in fact might be normal reactions to significantly frightening situations. A victim uses different strategies to cope with and resist abuse. These strategies might appear to be the result of passivity or submission, when in reality she has learned that these are sometimes-successful, temporary means of stopping the violence.
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